AnythingGoes

(j)West Virginia Math

2026-05-16T06:37:30Z

Two West Virginians are walking down different ends of a street toward each other and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey, Tommy Ray, what'cha got in th' bag?"

"Jus' some chickens."

"If I guess how many there are, can I have one?"

"I'll give you both of them."

"OK. Ummmmm......, five?"

(j)Blonde's Wild Adventure

2026-05-15T06:33:03Z

A blonde decides to do something wild she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first x-rated adult video. She goes to the video store and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating. When she arrives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape into the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain.

"I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape but static."

"Sorry about, that," replied the store clerk. "We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?"

The blonde replied, "It's called 'Head Cleaner.'"

(j)Punishing Telescammers, #401

2026-05-14T06:42:32Z

Partway into the "conversation" ask him who it is he was calling. If he says your name, apologize and say that you are [make up a name similar to yours]. Let him stammer out something, then hang up.

What were the parents thinking, names #79

2026-05-13T06:36:48Z

Enos Hertz

Handel Cox

Anil Hammer

(j)One-liner #329

2026-05-12T06:34:51Z

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

IRS T-shirts, #269

2026-05-11T06:35:10Z

At the IRS

We Believe

You are Guilty

After Proven Innocent

(j)Expensive picture

2026-05-10T06:47:49Z

Rodney sat in his attorney's office.

"Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" the lawyer asked.

"Give me the bad news first."

"Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars."

"That's the bad news?" asked Rodney incredulously.

"I can't wait to hear the terrible news."

His lawyer replies, "That picture she found is of you and your mistress."

(j)Who's Your Daddy?

2026-05-09T06:39:06Z

A woman takes her 4 year old son in for a visit to the doctor. The doctor asks the little boy, "Do you know your name?"

He tells her, "Yes my name is Timmy."

"And Timmy, do you know your mom's name?"

"Yes her name is Mommy," said Timmy.

"And what is Mommy's real name?"

And little Timmy says, "It's Tammy."

"That is great," the doctor told Timmy. Then the doctor asked, "And what is your daddy's name?"

Timmy said, "It is Daddy."

Finally the doctor asked, "And what does Mommy call him?"

Timmy looked up innocently and replied, "Asshole."

(j)The e-mail from God

2026-05-08T07:00:30Z

One day, God was looking down at earth, and saw all the misbehaving that was going on.

So he called one of his angels to go to Earth.

When he returned, the angel told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving, and only 5% are not."

God thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I should send down another angel, to get a second opinion."

So, God called another angel, and sent him to Earth too.

When the angel returned, he went to God and said, "Yes, it's true. The Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good."

God was not pleased. So he decided to e-mail the 5% who were good, because, he wanted to encourage them, give them a little something, to help them keep going!

Do you know what the e-mail said?

No?

Okay, just checking. I didn't get one either....

(j)Punishing Telescammers, #400

2026-05-07T06:35:39Z

Ask him for his telemarketer license number. When he says he doesn't have one, ask why he's telemarketing without a license and tell him it's a felony. Then hang up. He'll probably be stupid enough to ask his boss about it.

What were the parents thinking, names #78

2026-05-06T06:35:49Z

Anita Dick

Cy Kull

Anul Guy