Some guy just knocked on my door selling raffle tickets for poor black orphans. I said, “Fuck that – knowing my luck, I’d win one!” ...Continue Reading

John decided to go skiing with his buddy, Keith. So they loaded up John"s minivan and headed north.  After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.  "I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."   ...Continue Reading

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Pepper the idiot with a series of stupid questions, like the pointless ones asked in job interviews. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? What is your favorite color? What's the dumbest mistake you ever made? ...Continue Reading

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I told my suitcases, "No travel this year." Now I am dealing with emotional baggage. ...Continue Reading

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A guy walks into a sandwich shop and sees a sign that reads, "Home of the Meanest Grilled Cheese in Town." So he orders the grilled cheese. When his bill arrives the waitress asks him how he liked the sandwich. "Eh, it was about average." Nerd joke #5 There are two fish in a tank. One says to the other, "You drive. I'll man the gun."              ...Continue Reading

Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't. ...Continue Reading

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