Two West Virginians are walking down different ends of a street toward each other and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey, Tommy Ray, what'cha got in th' bag?" "Jus' some chickens." "If I guess how many there are, can I have one?" "I'll give you both of them." "OK. Ummmmm......, five?" ...Continue Reading

A blonde decides to do something wild she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first x-rated adult video. She goes to the video store and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating. When she arrives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape into the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain. "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape b ...Continue Reading

Partway into the "conversation" ask him who it is he was calling. If he says your name, apologize and say that you are [make up a name similar to yours]. Let him stammer out something, then hang up. ...Continue Reading

Enos Hertz Handel Cox Anil Hammer ...Continue Reading

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me. ...Continue Reading

At the IRS We Believe You are Guilty After Proven Innocent ...Continue Reading

Rodney sat in his attorney's office. "Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" the lawyer asked. "Give me the bad news first." "Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars." "That's the bad news?" asked Rodney incredulously. "I can't wait to hear the terrible news." His lawyer replies, "That picture she found is of you and your mistress."  ...Continue Reading

A woman takes her 4 year old son in for a visit to the doctor. The doctor asks the little boy, "Do you know your name?" He tells her, "Yes my name is Timmy." "And Timmy, do you know your mom's name?" "Yes her name is Mommy," said Timmy. "And what is Mommy's real name?" And little Timmy says, "It's Tammy." "That is great," the doctor told Timmy. Then the doctor asked, "And what is your daddy's name?" Timmy said, "It is Daddy." Fina ...Continue Reading

One day, God was looking down at earth, and saw all the misbehaving that was going on. So he called one of his angels to go to Earth. When he returned, the angel told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving, and only 5% are not." God thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I should send down another angel, to get a second opinion." So, God called another angel, and sent him to Earth too. When the angel returned, he went to God and said, "Yes, it's true. The Earth is in decline;&n ...Continue Reading

Ask him for his telemarketer license number. When he says he doesn't have one, ask why he's telemarketing without a license and tell him it's a felony. Then hang up. He'll probably be stupid enough to ask his boss about it. ...Continue Reading