Session one. When shredding the couch isn't enough. 61 other things you can destroy. Session two. Advanced techniques for loading your fur with more dirt to bring into the house Session three. Best ways to haul birds inside through your cat door (not applicable to deer) Session four. How to mess on the carpet and make it look like the dog did it Session five. How to use the "innocent look" to get by with almost anything Session six. Ten easy tricks for charming your way into being Master of the Hou ...Continue Reading

After Daylight Saving Time ended I stopped in to visit my dyslexic friend. He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish. I said to him, "You idiot!  You're supposed to turn your clock back!" ...Continue Reading

Interject with, "I'm just curious how many people sue your company each year. I'll bet it’s a lot." ...Continue Reading

BJ Provider BJ Love Dick Love ...Continue Reading

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me. ...Continue Reading

IRS: We "Service" People ...Continue Reading

Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do something nice for Dad and send me the bill." Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense. Bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, and finally the man called his brother again to find out what was going on. "Well," said the other brother, "you said to do somethin ...Continue Reading

Our local minister had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures made a few weeks ago. The first Sunday, his sermon lasted 10 minutes. The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes. But, on the third Sunday, he preached for an hour and a half. I asked him about this. He then told me "well, John, that first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk. The second Sunday, my dentures were still hurting a lot. Now the third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife's dentures AND I COULDN'T STOP TALKING!&quo ...Continue Reading

Early on the second day of her ski trip, Emma fell and broke her leg. As they were putting a cast on her leg later that day, she asked the doctor, "Why couldn't this have happened on my last day of skiing?" The doctor replied, "This is your last day of skiing." ...Continue Reading

Ask, "So what was it like, getting electroshock therapy? Do you have burn marks at your temples?" ...Continue Reading