AnythingGoes Archives

 

IRS Hiring Criteria

April 7th 2025 EDT

Due to Bidenomics, Jim lost his job. After several months of no work, he decided to apply for a job at the IRS. During his time of begging for work, he had grown to hate people generally, so this looked like a good option. He applied and got a preliminary interview. The next step was to get the physical exam. During the exam, the doctor said, "I can't recommend you for this job." "Why not, doc?" "Well, your penis is 4 and a half inches long." Incredulous, Jim asked, ...Continue Reading

(j)Taking the bus

April 6th 2025 EDT

I would like to share an experience with all of you, having to do with drinking and driving. As you know, some people have had brushes with the authorities on their way home. One of my friends has done something about it. The other night, he was out for a dinner and a few drinks with some friends. After having far too much vino, my friend--knowing he was totally wasted--decided to do something he had never done before. He took a bus home.  He arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surp ...Continue Reading

(j)Classes for Men: Day Two

April 5th 2025 EDT

Classes for Men: Day Two EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?Group discussion and role play  HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH PowerPoint presentation  REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOSTReal life testimonial from the one man who did  IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS? Driving simulation  LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNEROnline class and role playing  HOW TO BE THE ID ...Continue Reading

(j)Classes for Men: Day One

April 4th 2025 EDT

Classes for Men: Day One  HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYSStep by step guide with slide presentation  TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?Roundtable discussion  DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)  DISHES & TABLEWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES? Debate among a panel of experts.  LOSS OF VIRILITY Losing the remote control to your significant other - Help line and support groups  LEARNING HOW T ...Continue Reading

(j)Punishing Telescammers, #264

April 3rd 2025 EDT

After he makes his opening statement, which likely includes slurring his name, say, "Wow! A real telemarketer! I have been waiting for my whole life to get a telemarketing call! Wait, I have to go tell my wife!" Then set the phone down and don't pick it up again until the call has ended. ...Continue Reading

What were the parents thinking, names #14

April 2nd 2025 EDT

Justin SiderBrownie ShytlesMike Litoris ...Continue Reading

(j)One-liner #281

April 1st 2025 EDT

The angry clone was beside himself. ...Continue Reading

IRS T-shirts, #240

March 31st 2025 EDT

IRS:ImmoralRetardsServing no purpose ...Continue Reading

(j)Rattlesnakes

March 30th 2025 EDT

Felix was playing golf with the town's fire chief when he hit a ball into the rough. As Felix headed for the brush to find his ball, the chief warned him, "Be careful, the rattlesnakes are out."  The chief explained that calls had been coming in all week requesting assistance with removing the snakes.  "You've got to be kidding," Felix replied in astonishment. "People actually call the fire department to help them with rattlesnakes? What do you say to them?"  "Well," ...Continue Reading

(j) Baby Airplanes

March 29th 2025 EDT

A mother and her very young son were flying Westjet Airlines from Ottawa to Calgary. The little boy (who had been looking out his window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?"  The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the flight attendant. So the boy went down the aisle and asked the flight attendant the same question.  The flight attendant, who was very busy at the time, smiled a ...Continue Reading
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