I used to be in a band called Sold Out. Our gig posters looked great, but nobody ever came. ...Continue Reading

My girlfriend said she was leaving me because of my obsession with the Monkees. At first, I thought she was joking. Then I saw her face…. ...Continue Reading

Interrupt and ask, "What's your record turd size?" Wait a second in case he answers, then go into great detail about your masterpiece. "I knew at the start it was going to be a masterpiece. It turned out to be 23 and a half inches long. I called a friend over to help me get it back out of the toilet for pictures and to weigh the thing. I've got it mounted on my living room wall now." ...Continue Reading

Mi Dong Ni (Nee) Dong Wi (Why) Dong ...Continue Reading

A French milkmaid usually has a prominent dairy air. ...Continue Reading

IRS: Devastating the Defenseless Since 1917 ...Continue Reading

A priest and a rabbi are eating lunch at a restaurant, when the priest starts to tease his old friend. "This baked ham is delicious. So much better than your egg salad sandwich. I can't understand why such a wonderful food should be forbidden. Now tell me, Rabbi, when are you going to just relax a little and try it?" The rabbi says, "At your wedding." ...Continue Reading

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan. "What was that for?" the man asked. The wife replied "That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket" The man then said "When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on" the wife apologized and went on with the housework. Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying p ...Continue Reading

A woman was having a passionate affair with an Irish inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly. "Quick," said the woman to the lover, "into the closet!" and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked. The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet. "Who are you?" he asked him. "I"m an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone," sai ...Continue Reading

Say, "Full disclosure. I work in the IRS fraud department and you are speaking on a recorded line. Please state your full name and spell your last name." If they haven't hung up by now, ask for their Social Security number. ...Continue Reading