John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Georgia.  After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, "Are these plates clean?"  His grandfather replied, "They're as clean as cold water can get them. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!"  For lunch the old man made hamburge ...Continue Reading

Say, "I don't think we're going to accomplish anything on the phone. Why don't you come to my house and clean it? I'll provide the vacuum cleaner and other supplies, plus free coffee. We can discuss this while you're doing something that's actually useful." ...Continue Reading

Robin Plunder  Dick CreamAnna Sole ...Continue Reading

I got 50 dollars from my mom.  She told me to take my brother to the movies, but not to bring him home before 6, so they had time to prepare his surprise birthday party. That's the day I realized he was the favorite twin. ...Continue Reading

Anti-Humanity HatredCombined WithThe Power of Faceless Government ...Continue Reading

Billy had reached school age. His mother managed with a blast of propaganda to make him enthusiastic about the idea.  She bought him lots of new clothes, told him of the new friends he'd meet, and so on.  When the first day came, Billy eagerly went off and came back home with a lot of glowing reports about school.  The next morning when his mother woke him up, he asked, "What for?" She told him it was time to get ready for school.  "What?" he asked. "Again?" ...Continue Reading

I was invited to a Gender Reveal party!I was so excited to go!Unfortunately, I was the only one wearing my birthday suit. I was a little bit embarrassed. ...Continue Reading

Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there ...Continue Reading

Interrupt and ask, "What did you say your name is, again?" Then spell it very slowly. Keep focusing on the name. "Is that Irish?" Spell the name again, and get it wrong. Then ask, "Who did you say I am?" Do the spelling thing all over again. ...Continue Reading

Dwayne PipeLowden ClearRusty Nails ...Continue Reading