Until recently, I thought the T in LGBT stood for thespian. ...Continue Reading

I used to wonder why the IRS doesn't have a Department of Sleaze, Crime, and General Misconduct. Then it hit me: these things are standard general practice with them. A separate department doesn't make sense. ...Continue Reading

A man is driving down the highway and passes a state motorcycle officer.  The officer notices the man and also sees that he has 4 penguins in the backseat of the car. The officer chases down the car and pulls the man over, and after a short inspection of the vehicle says to the driver "what are you doing with 4 penguins in your car?"  To which the man replies "Just taking them for a ride officer."  Visibly upset, the cop instructs the man to take the penguins to the zoo.  The next ...Continue Reading

A sailor meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns recounting their adventures at sea. Noting the pirate's peg-leg, hook, and eye patch, the sailor asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"  The pirate replies "We was caught in a monster storm off the cape and a giant wave swept me overboard. Just as they were pullin' me out, a school of sharks appeared and one of 'em bit me leg off".  "Blimey!" said the sailor. "What about the hook?"  "Ahhhh..." ...Continue Reading

I bought a new Tesla !!  Had to go back to the dealer the other day because I couldn't get the radio to work. The service technician explained that the radio was voice-activated. "Nelson," the technician said to the radio. The radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?" "Willie" he continued and "On The Road Again" flowed from the speakers. Then he said, "Ray Charles", and in an instant "Georgia On My Mind" replaced Willie Nelson. I drove aw ...Continue Reading

When the telescammer moves to his "closing" (high pressure question) simply remain quiet. After an awkward pause, he will repeat it. That's when you say, "I just finished installing a $350 toilet seat with a heated bidet and I really want to try it out. Plus, I feel like I'm going to explode at any moment. Should I put you on MUTE?" ...Continue Reading

Dick PounderMoe LesterDick Hertz ...Continue Reading

I used to feel like a million bucks. Now I feel more like a bounced check. ...Continue Reading

IRS:We Have ThePower to DestroyAnd Get Off Using It ...Continue Reading

Two old guys, Abe and Sol, are sitting on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, like they do every day.  Abe turns to Sol and says, "Do you think there's baseball in heaven?"  Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal: if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in heaven, and if you die first, you do the same."  They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on.  One day soon afterward, So ...Continue Reading