Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it. ...Continue Reading

When Joe Biden was little, his parents frequently took him to the zoo. Unfortunately, the zoo refused to take him in and they sent him right back to his parents. ...Continue Reading

If the caller asks you for by name, use some other name. For example, "Hello, may I speak to Jeff?" Reply with, "This is Dan" even if you are Jeff. This will confuse the scammer. Either he will ask again for Jeff, in which case you say "I just shot him in the forehead" or "So I'm not good enough to speak to?" or he'll switch to talking to Dan. If he says, "OK, Dan, I'll talk to you" then you say, "Sorry, but you have to speak with Arlene about that and she's not in ...Continue Reading

Q. Do female frogs croak?A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough. ...Continue Reading

The CDC conducted a $15 million study on the effects of alcohol on the way a person walks, and the results were staggering. ...Continue Reading

What kind of mobile phone do IRS agents use? Being cocksuckers, IRS men use the iSuck. It's not polite to say what the IRS females use. ...Continue Reading

A man and woman were having marriage problems, and decided to end their union after a very short time together. After a most brief attempt to reconcile, the couple went to court to finalize their break-up.  The judge asked the husband, "What has brought you to this point, where you are not able to keep this marriage together?"  The husband said, "In the six weeks we've been together, we haven't been able to agree on one thing."  The wife said, "Seven weeks." ...Continue Reading

A game warden noticed how a particular fellow named Sam consistently caught more fish than anyone else, whereas the other guys would only catch three or four a day. Sam would come in off the lake with a boat full. Stringer after stringer was always packed with freshly caught trout. The warden, curious, asked Sam his secret.  The successful fisherman invited the game warden to accompany him and observe. So the next morning the two met at the dock and took off in Sam's boat. When they got to the middle of the lake, S ...Continue Reading

Q: How many Bidens does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Nobody really knows, but we have discovered that it take only one to screw the whole country. ...Continue Reading

As soon as the scammer stops to ask you something, speak in a low, calm tone and annunciate slowly. Say, "Listen very carefully to me. I have special skills. I hunt down people like you. And I take them out. Painfully, over several days. Picture yourself losing a toe, then an hour later losing a finger. Call me again, and it won't be just your imagination." Then hang up. ...Continue Reading