A bald man with a wooden leg got invited to a Halloween party. He didn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg, so he wrote to a costume company to explain his problem. A few days later, he received a parcel with the following note: "Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate. Very truly yours, ACME Costume Co." The man thinks this is terrible, because they have emphasized ...Continue Reading

public indecency, and public intoxication at the County courthouse on Monday. The suspect allegedly stated that as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't" he stated in a phone interview from the County courthouse jail. Davidson went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, a ...Continue Reading

This skeleton walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a beer and a mop." ...Continue Reading

A man answered the door on Halloween night. A little boy was standing there. The boy wasn't wearing a costume. Instead, he was dressed in slacks and a dress shirt and tie. The little boy said, "Trick or treat." Confused, the man asked, "What are you supposed to be?" With a straight face, the little boy answered saying, "I'm an IRS agent." The man held out the Halloween bowl and the boy took 25 percent of it, then left without even saying "Thank you." An hour later, the kid w ...Continue Reading

My wife thinks our kids are spoiled, but I think most kids smell like that. ...Continue Reading

IRS: We Love to Abuse Innocent People And the Good Ones Twice ...Continue Reading

Law of Cat Disinterest - A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him. ...Continue Reading

Law of Cat Embarrassment - A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter. ...Continue Reading

Law of Bag/Box Occupancy - All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond. ...Continue Reading

Have a list of scams ready. The next time a telescammer calls, pick a different scam from the list and say, "I'm a telescammer too! Send me your last 3 months of bank statements and I'll see what kind of deal I can qualify you for." ...Continue Reading