As soon as the scammer stops to ask you something, speak in a low, calm tone and annunciate slowly. Say, "Listen very carefully to me. I have special skills. I hunt down people like you. And I take them out. Painfully, over several days. Picture yourself losing a toe, then an hour later losing a finger. Call me again, and it won't be just your imagination." Then hang up. ...Continue Reading

Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this one!  Did you hear about the Texas teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots? He asked for help & she could see why.  Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. Finally, when the 2nd boot was on, she had worked up a sweat.  She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier ...Continue Reading

If you're being chased by a pack of taxidermists, don't play dead. ...Continue Reading

IRS:An Agency ofthe IneptAbusing Others ...Continue Reading

Mary Simpson was almost crazy with her three kids.  She complained to her best friend, "They're driving me nuts. Such pests, they give me no rest and I'm half-way to the nut hatch."  "What you need is a playpen to separate the kids from yourself," her friend said.  So Mary bought a playpen.  A few days later, her friend called to ask how things were going.  "Superb! I can't believe it," Mary said. "I get in that playpen with a good book and the kids don't bothe ...Continue Reading

It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do. When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion.  (1) The woman goes to the store.  (2) The woman "fixes" the salad, vegetables, and dessert.  (3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill.  (4) The man places the meat on the grill.  (5) The woman goes inside to se ...Continue Reading

Q: Why can't Biden play the game, "Pick a number and divide by your IQ?"A: You can't divide by zero. ...Continue Reading

Interrupt and ask, "Have you ever spit in your boss's coffee or tea?" When the caller says no, come back with, "You really ought to. Your boss is exploiting you." Then hang up. ...Continue Reading

Not long ago, I met the waitress of my dreams.  About halfway through dinner I called the waitress over and said, "Ma'am, this potato is bad."  She nodded, picked up the potato and smacked it. Then she put it back on my plate and said, "Sir, if that potato causes any more trouble, you just let me know." ...Continue Reading

Whatever you do always give 100 %. Unless you are donating blood. ...Continue Reading