Police arrested Malcolm Davidson, a 27 year old white male, resident of White Plains, NY, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38pm Friday. Davidson will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the County courthouse on Monday. The suspect allegedly stated that as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't" he stated in a phone intervie ...Continue Reading

This skeleton walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a beer and a mop." ...Continue Reading

A man answered the door on Halloween night.  A little boy was standing there. The boy wasn't wearing a costume. Instead, he was dressed in slacks and a dress shirt and tie.  The little boy said, "Trick or treat." Confused, the man asked, "What are you supposed to be?"  With a straight face, the little boy answered saying, "I'm an IRS agent."  The man held out the Halloween bowl and the boy took 25 percent of it, then left without even saying "Thank you." & ...Continue Reading

Q: How do you know when Joe Biden made the right decision?A: Look overhead. If you see pigs flying, he got it right. ...Continue Reading

Answer back with, "You're the same guy who tried to sell me penis enhancer cream yesterday." When he denies it, start arguing. "I know it was you. What's your name? Didn't you say you had a birthmark on your armpit? And your mother joined the Bolivian Army?" ...Continue Reading

The bell rings. The teacher starts class and 3 kids are late. Teacher says, "Why are you late?"The first kid replies, "I was on top of Rose Hill".Teacher: "OK, take a seat."The second kid walks in.Teacher: "Why are you late?"The kid replies, "I was on top of Rose Hill too".Teacher: "OK, take a seat."The third kid walks in.Teacher: "I guess, you were on top of Rose Hill?" The kid replies, "No, I am Rose Hill." ...Continue Reading

An oxymoron walks into a deli and orders fresh frozen jumbo shrimp. ...Continue Reading

Star Trek: Tax GenerationThe actors playing Captain Kirk and the crew of the Enterprise return from their five-year voyage to find liens on their property and IRS agents hounding them in "Star Wreck". The script was based on the experiences of Wesley Snipes and Willie Nelson, not those of tax cheats Tim Geithner and Chuck Rangel (now both fabulously wealthy and free of any tax evasion consequences). Could also be called "Tax Trek". ...Continue Reading

A man and his wife wanted to do something special for their 25th wedding anniversary, so they decided to go on a second honeymoon. The wife insisted that everything be the same as their first one. Her husband agreed, and told her to work it out, and make a list. This she did. Same city, same hotel, same room; everything perfect. However, in going over the list, the husband said, "Well dear, this is great. But I do see one thing that's going to be a little bit different this time." She carefully went back ...Continue Reading

One day an Indian boy asked his father why they have such long names. The dad answers, "Well, son whenever a Indian baby is born the father would go outside and name the baby after the first thing he sees. Why do you ask?" "Two Dogs Fucking." ...Continue Reading