A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."  The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.  "What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"  Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cre ...Continue Reading

After being fake-elected, Joe Biden was told the Secret Service would brief him within the hour. Biden responded by saying, "I prefer boxers, because there's more room for my adult diapers that way." ...Continue Reading

Keep interrupting to ask about "the special". Tell me about the two for one special. What about the oil change special? So my first three months are free, right? ...Continue Reading

Hugh JuggsEd NahFran Kull ...Continue Reading

I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick. She still isn't talking to me. ...Continue Reading

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g6kwUBrRjaM ...Continue Reading

I have changed my system for labeling homemade freezer meals. I used to carefully note in large clear letters, "Meatloaf" or "Pot Roast" or "Steak and Vegetables or "Chicken and Dumplings" or "Beef Pot Pie."  However, I used to get frustrated when I asked my husband what he wanted for dinner because he never asked for any of those things. So, I decided to stock the freezer with what he really likes.  If you look in my freezer now you'll see a whole new set of labels ...Continue Reading

We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the "seniors' special" was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99.  "Sounds good," my wife said. "But I don't want the eggs."  "Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her.  "You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" My wife asked incredulously. "I'll take the special."  "How do you want your eggs? ...Continue Reading

After being fake-elected, Joe Biden was told the Secret Service would brief him within the hour. Biden responded by saying, "I prefer boxers, because there's more room for my adult diapers that way." ...Continue Reading

Ask the caller stupid questions like, "What's your shoe size? Is it raining where you are? Did you have to drop out of medical school to take the job you have now?" ...Continue Reading