Keep interrupting him with questions about the weather. "So, what’s the weather like where you are?" Respond with something like, "We're expecting rain" and then keep making it worse until you have something like, "Supposed to get a tornado here with snow, hail, pounding rain, and a wave of illegal aliens." ...Continue Reading

Dick HunterHolly WreathReed Weed ...Continue Reading

Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive. ...Continue Reading

A man wanted an attack dog to protect his business, so he visited a kennel that specialized in attack dogs. The man explained to the kennel owner that he wanted the biggest, meanest, most vicious dog in the kennel, and the owner offered to take the man on a tour of the premises.  After they had been walking for a few minutes, they came upon a large dog. He was snarling loudly and biting and clawing at the cage. "He looks like he'd be a pretty good attack dog," said the buyer. "Well, he's no ...Continue Reading

The palace meteorologist assured him that there was no chance of rain so, the king and the queen went fishing. On the way, he met a man with a fishing pole riding on a donkey, and he asked the man if the fish were biting.  The fisherman said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace.  In just a short time I expect a huge rainstorm." The king replied: "I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard.  He is an educated and experienced professional.  Besides, I pay him ver ...Continue Reading

Just when you thought the socialism, corruption, and incompetence we endured through 8 years of Mike and Barry "Obama" were behind us and America was becoming great again, we got saddled with Brainless Biden.  Now here we are nearly four years later, and the Biden Crime Family makes Mr. and Mr. "Obama" look downright patriotic by comparison. ...Continue Reading

After the telescammer delivers his pitch, say, "I can tell you really need to use the commode. Go do that now, and don't get any on ya." ...Continue Reading

Pearl SwineMark DownJosie Dosey ...Continue Reading

Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up!! You don't know where it's been!!" ...Continue Reading

The phrase "Christmas gift" is an oxymoron. A gift, by definition, is something you give to another person without being compensated. At Christmas, people "give" so-called "gifts" while expecting something of similar value in return.  The whole process defies logic. People send you crap you don't want, and you go spend 2 hours in line at a store standing behind people who are cutting turkey farts, just so you can get a refund. And the other person is doing the same. Why not just send e ...Continue Reading