Murphy says to Paddy, "What ya talkin to an envelope for?" "I'm sending a voicemail ya thick sod!" ...Continue Reading

Ask him if he has a dog. Then start talking about your dog, but make it really boring. Go into excruciating detail about a walk you went on. "First he sniffed the little purple flowers. Then he peed on the post. Next he just relaxed and let out this giant dog turd. It was in the yard of some people I don't like, so I left it on their porch." ...Continue Reading

I was going to tell a time-travel joke, but you guys didn't like it. ...Continue Reading

IRS: Your Distress Is Our Joy ...Continue Reading

A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea  break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen. The  bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman. The foreman  grins at the bear and says "Oh, I forgot to tell you, today's the  day the teddy bears have their pick nicked." ...Continue Reading

Bought some 'rocket salad'  yesterday but it went off before I could eat it! ...Continue Reading

Local Police hunting  the 'knitting needle nutter' who has stabbed six people in the arse  in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern. ...Continue Reading

Interrupt and say, "I'll bet a lot of women have told you that you're a creep." Then hang up. ...Continue Reading

People are making end of the world jokes and it's crazy how much, like there is no tomorrow. ...Continue Reading

IRS: We Don't Care That You Don't Owe We're coming after you anyhow ...Continue Reading