Pepper the idiot with a series of stupid questions, like the pointless ones asked in job interviews. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? What is your favorite color? What's the dumbest mistake you ever made? ...Continue Reading

I told my suitcases, "No travel this year." Now I am dealing with emotional baggage. ...Continue Reading

A guy walks into a sandwich shop and sees a sign that reads, "Home of the Meanest Grilled Cheese in Town." So he orders the grilled cheese. When his bill arrives the waitress asks him how he liked the sandwich. "Eh, it was about average." Nerd joke #5There are two fish in a tank. One says to the other, "You drive. I'll man the gun."              ...Continue Reading

Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't. ...Continue Reading

Reply to the first question with, "This is an unlisted number because I am in Witness Protection. Do you realize what a serious felony you committed by contacting me? What is your home address?" ...Continue Reading

Procaffienating is the tendency to not do anything until you have coffee. ...Continue Reading

A businessman on his deathbed calls his friend and says, "Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated." With a frown on his face, his friend asks, "What do you want me to do with your ashes?"  The businessman replies, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service. Write on the envelope, 'Now you have everything'. " ...Continue Reading

Did you hear about the guy who lowered his body temperature to absolute zero?   He was 0K. ...Continue Reading

The bartender said, "We don't serve faster than light neutrinos here." A neutrino walked into a bar. ...Continue Reading

Interrupt and ask, "What's your social security number?" Then, "Date of birth?" Keep asking for identity information. ...Continue Reading