The black-eyed peas can sing us a tune, but the chickpeas can only hummus one. ...Continue Reading

Anu DickRobb BanksRobb Ewe ...Continue Reading

A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers - which she ended by saying "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma, and good-bye Grandpa."  The father said, "Why did you say good-bye to Grandpa?"  The little girl said, "I don't know, Daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."  The next day Grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened t ...Continue Reading

Morris, as a young man in the Old West, wanted to be the best gunfighter alive. One night as he was sitting in a saloon, he spotted an old man who had the reputation of being the greatest gunfighter in his day. So Morris walked up to the old man and told him his dream. The old man looked him up and down and said, "I have a suggestion that is sure to help."  "Tell me, tell me," said the young man.  "Tie the bottom of your holster lower onto your leg."  "Will that make me ...Continue Reading

Phil LatioRick CardoIma Creep ...Continue Reading

Small businss owners are bombarded by telescammer calls. If you are one of those beleagured people, you've no doubt been greeted with, "Hello, may I speak with the business owner?" At that point, reply with, "He's just been arrested on racketeering charges. Would you like to speak to the Executive Vice President?" If the telescammer agrees, say, "He's meeting with his parole officer right now. I suppose this is about a loan. Would you like to speak with our CFO?" When he agrees, give some o ...Continue Reading

I went to the store to get a box of prunes, and I found they all look exactly like Maxine Waters. It's amazing what Del Monte can do with fruit, these days. ...Continue Reading

“In English,” the professor said, “a double negative forms a positive. In some languages though, a double negative is still a negative. However,” he pointed out, “there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.” A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.” ...Continue Reading

Q: What do you get when you toss a hand grenade into a French rec room?A: Blown Apart Linoleum ...Continue Reading

A restaurant has a sign that says, "$500 if we fail to fill your order." A guy walks in there and orders an elephant ear sandwich on rye. After a few minutes, the head chef arrives at his table and hands him five $100 bills. He says to the customer, "That's the first time in 10 years we've been out of rye bread." ...Continue Reading