Little Johnny's parents were called to come pick him up at school. They were also requested to meet with the Principal about pending expulsion. The Principal asked, "Did either of you see how Little Johnny was dressed for Halloween when he left for school this morning?"Dad: "Well yes, actually, I did. It was my turn to see the kids off to school, and both were dressed as pirates."Principal: "I'm afraid Johnny fooled you and changed his costume somewhere between home and school. And what he ...Continue Reading

A man answered the door on Halloween night.  A little boy was standing there. The boy wasn't wearing a costume. Instead, he was dressed in slacks and a dress shirt and tie.  The little boy said, "Trick or treat." Confused, the man asked, "What are you supposed to be?"  With a straight face, the little boy answered saying, "I'm an IRS agent."  The man held out the Halloween bowl and the boy took 25 percent of it, then left without even saying "Thank you." & ...Continue Reading

Each year, John throws a themed Halloween costume party, and had even rents a large ballroom for the occasion. The theme this year is evil, and you are supposed to come as the most evil person you could think of other than Hillary Clinton (else, everyone would come as Hillary Clinton). Looking around from the entryway, John saw 8 Nancy "Nutcase" Pelosis, 6 Adolph Hitlers, 4 Ted Kennedys, 4 Satans, 4 Chuck Schumers, 2 Darth Vaders, and some others that weren't duplicated. He also saw a couple who came as J ...Continue Reading

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.  He replies, "I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you"  She answers, " My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."  "Well, I'v ...Continue Reading

On Halloween, a rookie cop hauled a guy up in front of the desk sergeant. The man had a desk strapped to his back, a water cooler under his right arm, and a laptop computer under his left arm. He was wearing a fax machine for a hat. The desk sergeant growled, "What's the charge, Murphy'?"  "Impersonating an office, sir." ...Continue Reading

Q: Do the children of IRS employees like sticky candy?A: No, but their parents would like to stick it to ya. ...Continue Reading

Q: Where does Dracula water ski?A: On Lake Erie Q: What kind of boat pulls Dracula when he water skis?A: A blood vessel Q. What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack-quack?A. Count Duckula  Q: What did the mad scientist eat on Halloween?A: Frankenfurters with Ketchup Q. What's the first thing ghosts do when they get into a car?A. They boo-kle their seatbelts Q: What did the Mommy ghost say to the baby ghost?A: Don't spook until you're spooken to. ...Continue Reading

Q: How does the silly witch know what time it is?A: She looks at her witch-watch. Q: What kind of protozoa likes Halloween?A: An amoeboo! Q: How do vampires get around on Halloween night?A: By blood vessels. Q: Why do ghouls and demons hang out together?A: Because demons are a ghoul's best friend! Q: What happened to the guy who couldn't keep up payments to his exorcist?A: He was repossessed. Q: What does a ghost eat for lunch?A: A BOO-logna sandwich. ...Continue Reading

Q: Where do mummies go for a swim?A: To the dead sea Q: What is Transylvania?A: Dracula's terror-tory Q: What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?A: Pumpkin PiA: But if you divide the diameter by the circumference, you get inverted pumpkin pi! Q: Why are there fences around cemeteries?A: Because people are dying to get in. Q: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?A: He didn't have the guts. ...Continue Reading

Q: Why should a skeleton drink 10 glasses of milk a day? A: It's good for the bones Q: What do baby ghosts wear on Halloween? A: White Pillowcases Q: What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? A: SquashQ: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game? A: Their bats flew away Q: What was the witches' favorite subject in school? A: Spelling Q: Why did the mummy call the doctor? A: Because he was coffinQ: What does a vampire fear most? A: Tooth decay Q: Where did the vampire open his savings account? A: At a blood bank ...Continue Reading