Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't. ...Continue Reading

Reply to the first question with, "This is an unlisted number because I am in Witness Protection. Do you realize what a serious felony you committed by contacting me? What is your home address?" ...Continue Reading

Procaffienating is the tendency to not do anything until you have coffee. ...Continue Reading

A businessman on his deathbed calls his friend and says, "Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated." With a frown on his face, his friend asks, "What do you want me to do with your ashes?"  The businessman replies, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service. Write on the envelope, 'Now you have everything'. " ...Continue Reading

Did you hear about the guy who lowered his body temperature to absolute zero?   He was 0K. ...Continue Reading

The bartender said, "We don't serve faster than light neutrinos here." A neutrino walked into a bar. ...Continue Reading

Interrupt and ask, "What's your social security number?" Then, "Date of birth?" Keep asking for identity information. ...Continue Reading

The black-eyed peas can sing us a tune, but the chickpeas can only hummus one. ...Continue Reading

Anu DickRobb BanksRobb Ewe ...Continue Reading

A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers - which she ended by saying "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma, and good-bye Grandpa."  The father said, "Why did you say good-bye to Grandpa?"  The little girl said, "I don't know, Daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."  The next day Grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened t ...Continue Reading