Television is not real life. Your life is not a sitcom. Your problems will not all be solved in 30 minutes, minus time for commercials. In real life, people actually have to leave the coffee shop to go to jobs. Your friends will not be perky or as polite as Jennifer Aniston. ...Continue Reading

Life is not divided into semesters, and you don't get summers off. Nor even Easter break. They expect you to show up every day. For eight hours. And you don't get a new life every 10 weeks. It just goes on and on. ...Continue Reading

Tell the scammer, "I work in telemarketing, too. My whole family hates me. So how's it going for you?" ...Continue Reading

Noel Branes Les Branes Les Moore ...Continue Reading

I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time. ...Continue Reading

IRS: Irresponsible Rotten Scumbags ...Continue Reading

Before you were born your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way paying your bills, cleaning up your room and listening to you tell them how idealistic you are. And by the way, before you save the rain forest from the blood-sucking parasites of your parents' generation try delousing the closet in your bedroom. ...Continue Reading

It's not your parents' fault. If you screw up, you are responsible. This is the flip side of "It's my life," and "You're not the boss of me," and other eloquent proclamations of your generation. When you turn 18, it's on your dime. Don't whine about it or you'll sound like a baby boomer. ...Continue Reading

Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping. They called it opportunity. They weren't embarrassed making minimum wage either. They would have been embarrassed to sit around talking about Fifty Cent all weekend. ...Continue Reading

Slurp loudly and making gulping noises.  After a while of doing this in his hear, make some smacking noises. Then say, "Sorry about the noise, you called me while I was eating. If you want to call me back in an hour, you can catch me while I'm crapping." ...Continue Reading