I want to be a bear......  If you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.  Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that too.  If you're a bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you are sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.  If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If you ...Continue Reading

Practice your Bangalore accent so you can answer the telemarker in the same incomprehensible way he speaks to you. Or use a fake Scandinavian accent to converse with the telemarketer (see the movie Fargo for examples). ...Continue Reading

What happens if you scream at an electrician, "Eat my shorts!"? ...Continue Reading

IRS:IncompetentRetardedStupid ...Continue Reading

After months of gentle urging from his wife, a man finally had to admit he needed a hearing aid.  The audiologist confirmed it. "How much do they cost?" he asked her.   "As you might expect," she said, "There's quite a wide range. They run from $2.00 to $2,000."  "Wow, the low end is lower than I would have ever guessed!" he said. "Let's see the $2.00 model."  The woman gave a knowing nod, and pulled it out of the closest drawer. "You just s ...Continue Reading

A devout church-going woman named Anna hangs around after mass one day to talk to the priest. When he steps out of the church, she says to him, "Heaven help me, Father, I have a problem." "What is your problem, my child?" the priest asks. "Well," Anna begins, "I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing, and they say it over and over again." "What do they say?" the priest inquires. "They say, 'Hi, we're easy. Want to have s ...Continue Reading

When a telemarketer starts off, he usually spews a blur of sound from which you are supposed to know who's calling. Fat chance, there. So return the favor. Reply to any questions the same way. Speak super fast and blur the words together, skipping consonants. ...Continue Reading

The irate barber was in a lather. ...Continue Reading

I would like to share an experience with all of you, having to do with drinking and driving. As you know, some people have had brushes with the authorities on their way home. One of my friends has done something about it. The other night, he was out for a dinner and a few drinks with some friends. After having far too much vino, my friend--knowing he was totally wasted--decided to do something he had never done before. He took a bus home.  He arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surp ...Continue Reading

Classes for Men: Day Two EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?Group discussion and role play  HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH PowerPoint presentation  REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOSTReal life testimonial from the one man who did  IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS? Driving simulation  LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNEROnline class and role playing  HOW TO BE THE ID ...Continue Reading