Blurt out, "The most boring job I ever had? I'm glad you asked." Then start yammering about some idiotic job you never had and how it bored you to tears. "I was a paper napkin inspector for a hospital. I had to make sure the napkins were folded properly. Do you know how many ways there are to fold a napkin? I really hated that job. I'll bet you really hate yours. Why don't you hang up right now and quit?" ...Continue Reading

Moses was the first person to download information from the cloud to his tablet. ...Continue Reading

Q: Where were bobbleheads created?A: In the Land of Nod. ...Continue Reading

After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand. "There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied. He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously. "No, silly," ...Continue Reading

Angus Broon of Glasgow , Scotland , comes to the little lady of the houseExclaiming, "Maggie, cud ye be sewin on a wee button that's comeOff of ma fly? I canna button ma troosers." "Och Angus, I've got ma hands in the sink, go up the stairs andSee if Mrs. MacDonald could be helpin ye with it." About 5 minutes later, there's a terrible crash, a bang, a bit ofYelling and the sound of a body falling down the stairs. Walking back in the door with a black eye and a bloody noseComes Angus. M ...Continue Reading

Ask the scammer, "So how long did you spend in the mental ward before they gave you a phone? Or are you still there?" ...Continue Reading

Adam and Eve were the first couple to violate Apple's terms of service. ...Continue Reading

IRS:Morally BankruptMoronsBankrupting the Innocent ...Continue Reading

One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him upon impact. Brought before the court on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense. "Your Honor," she began coolly, "I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could also fly." ...Continue Reading

Interrupt and say, "Wait. I feel the mother of all farts coming on. It's going to be a big one." If he doesn't hang up, just wait silently until he does. Even if he keeps asking if you're done yet. ...Continue Reading