A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper. ...Continue Reading

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine. ...Continue Reading

Interrupt and say, "I would really like to describe my last bowel movement in detail. Do you have 20 minutes?" After his response, say, "I don't have time to listen about your crap either." Then hang up. ...Continue Reading

I hired a handyman and gave him a list of jobs to do. When I checked on him later he had only done numbers 1, 3, and 5 from the list. Turns out he does only odd jobs. ...Continue Reading

IRS:Where Hatred RulesandCompassion is Dead ...Continue Reading

He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends. ...Continue Reading

It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers ...Continue Reading

A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today."  The mother, more that a little surprised, asked fearfully, "That's interesting. How do you make babies?"  "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'." ...Continue Reading

Blurt out, "The most boring job I ever had? I'm glad you asked." Then start yammering about some idiotic job you never had and how it bored you to tears. "I was a paper napkin inspector for a hospital. I had to make sure the napkins were folded properly. Do you know how many ways there are to fold a napkin? I really hated that job. I'll bet you really hate yours. Why don't you hang up right now and quit?" ...Continue Reading

Moses was the first person to download information from the cloud to his tablet. ...Continue Reading