Mary Simpson was almost crazy with her three kids.  She complained to her best friend, "They're driving me nuts. Such pests, they give me no rest and I'm half-way to the nut hatch."  "What you need is a playpen to separate the kids from yourself," her friend said.  So Mary bought a playpen.  A few days later, her friend called to ask how things were going.  "Superb! I can't believe it," Mary said. "I get in that playpen with a good book and the kids don't bothe ...Continue Reading

It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do. When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion.  (1) The woman goes to the store.  (2) The woman "fixes" the salad, vegetables, and dessert.  (3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill.  (4) The man places the meat on the grill.  (5) The woman goes inside to se ...Continue Reading

 ===Q: Why can't Biden play the game, "Pick a number and divide by your IQ?"A: You can't divide by zero. ...Continue Reading

Interrupt and ask, "Have you ever spit in your boss's coffee or tea?" When the caller says no, come back with, "You really ought to. Your boss is exploiting you." Then hang up. ...Continue Reading

Not long ago, I met the waitress of my dreams.  About halfway through dinner I called the waitress over and said, "Ma'am, this potato is bad."  She nodded, picked up the potato and smacked it. Then she put it back on my plate and said, "Sir, if that potato causes any more trouble, you just let me know." ...Continue Reading

Whatever you do always give 100 %. Unless you are donating blood. ...Continue Reading

A Jewish son tells his father he is moving out. The son returns a year later and tells his father that he has converted to Christianity. The father is upset and calls his friend who is also Jewish. “You won’t believe this, my son David moved out for a year and came back and told me he converted to Christianity.”  His friend says, “you won’t believe this...my son Benjamin moved away for a year and when he came back HE converted to Christianity too”! Both upset, they call their rabbi and explain what happened.   ...Continue Reading

A blonde walks in a bank to get a loan. “I need to borrow $100 for a month,” she says. The banker frowns, but takes her information anyway. He runs her credit but can’t find a report. “I’m sorry,” he says, “but in the absence of a credit record, we’ll have to charge 20% interest on the loan, and you’ll need to put up collateral. “What does that mean?” the blonde says. “It means,” the banker says, “you’ll have to repay us $120, and you’ll need to give us something more valuable to hold onto until you pay u ...Continue Reading

Bidenomics is part of DEI. They want to make sure that when it comes to poverty, everyone feels included. ...Continue Reading

Interrupt and say, "I'm sorry, I though you were the diarrhea assistance people calling me back. Last week, I got help from the constipation assistance line and now I can't stop going." ...Continue Reading