Law of Cat Disinterest - A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him. ...Continue Reading

Law of Cat Embarrassment - A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter. ...Continue Reading

Law of Bag/Box Occupancy - All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond. ...Continue Reading

Have a list of scams ready. The next time a telescammer calls, pick a different scam from the list and say, "I'm a telescammer too! Send me your last 3 months of bank statements and I'll see what kind of deal I can qualify you for." ...Continue Reading

What do you have to do to have a party in space? You have to Planet. ...Continue Reading

IRS: Bad Seed With Too Much Power ...Continue Reading

Law of Random Comfort Seeking - A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room. ...Continue Reading

Law of Electric Blanket Attraction - Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light. ...Continue Reading

I recently sent this text message: I need practice insulting people and calling them names. I'm just not very good at it. If you haven't gotten enough abuse lately, maybe we can help each other? ...Continue Reading

When he asks his first question, fire back with, "Have you ever thought about getting a job you don't have to be ashamed of?" ...Continue Reading