There's a new form for filing your federal income tax. It's form 1040-SUP.It's a suppository. The IRS can shove it up their a$$. ...Continue Reading

The best way to sell a home security system is to stop by when nobody is home and leave a brochure on the kitchen table. ...Continue Reading

A politician running for office visits a small rural town and says to the Mayor, "I'm here to help you. What are your needs?" The Mayor says, "We have two basic needs. First, we have a hospital but no doctor. Can you help us with that?" The politician walks to the far side of the room, pulls out his cell phone, and talks into it for a short while. When he's done, he says, "I took care of that need. A doctor will be here soon. I hope that's before the election, but it could be after. No ...Continue Reading

Nixon dropped bombs on Cambodia. Biden drops bombs down his pant leg. ...Continue Reading

Interrupt and ask him his name again. Whatever he says, call him something else and make some comment about the weather. ...Continue Reading

Her Diary Entry:My husband was in an odd mood Saturday night. We planned to meet at a cafe for a drink. I spent the afternoon shopping with the girls and I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit later than I promised but he didn't say anything about it. I don't remember doing anything to make him upset, but I could tell there was something wrong. The conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off to someplace intimate so we could talk more privately. We went to this restaurant and ...Continue Reading

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was. ...Continue Reading

IRS:Where Harming theInnocentIs An Art Form ...Continue Reading

Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on ones enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself.  Screwdriver - The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage you did while trying to change out a light socket with your handy screwdriver.  Phillips Screwdriver - The bar drink that you order when the damage estimate is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka.  Pliers - A device used to extend your reach the necessary few ...Continue Reading

An old couple was lying in bed one night...  The husband was falling asleep but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk. She said, "You use to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second, then tried to get back to sleep.  A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me."  Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.  Thirty seconds later she said, "Then you used to nibble ...Continue Reading