A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea  break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen. The  bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman. The foreman  grins at the bear and says "Oh, I forgot to tell you, today's the  day the teddy bears have their pick nicked." ...Continue Reading

Bought some 'rocket salad'  yesterday but it went off before I could eat it! ...Continue Reading

Local Police hunting  the 'knitting needle nutter' who has stabbed six people in the arse  in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern. ...Continue Reading

Interrupt and say, "I'll bet a lot of women have told you that you're a creep." Then hang up. ...Continue Reading

People are making end of the world jokes and it's crazy how much, like there is no tomorrow. ...Continue Reading

IRS: We Don't Care That You Don't Owe We're coming after you anyhow ...Continue Reading

Little Johnny is sitting in geography  class when the teacher asks him, "Where is Pakistan?" He replies,  "Outside playing with Paki-Dave". ...Continue Reading

When I was in the  pub I heard a couple of dick heads saying that they wouldn't feel  safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman. What a pair of sexist twits. I mean, it's not as if she'd have to reverse the  bloody thing! ...Continue Reading

The wife was counting all the 10 cents and 20 cents out on the kitchen table when she suddenly got very angry and  started shouting and crying for no reason. I thought to myself,  "She's going through the change." ...Continue Reading

When he asks for a response after his sales pitch say, "I've been pitched this same scam a dozen times already in the past two weeks. Can't you guys come up with anything original?" ...Continue Reading