Why did Santa put bells on all his reindeer? Because their horns don't work. What's red and white and black all over? Santa Clause entering through a chimney (he does that because it soots him--maybe he should get a flue shot). If Santa falls down a chimney, does that make him a Santa Klutz? ...Continue Reading

Dog tags ring, are you listenin'?In the lane, snow is glistenin'.It's yellow, NOT white I've been there tonight,Marking up my winter wonderland.  Smell that tree? That's my fragrance.It's a sign for wandering vagrants; "Avoid where I pee, it's MY pro-per-ty!Marked up as my winter wonderland."  In the meadow dad will build a snowman,following the classical design.Then I'll lift my leg and let it go Man,So all the world will know that it's mine-mine-mine!  Straight from me to the fence post,flows ...Continue Reading

Based on a true story….  Dear Abby, Back in February, we came under IRS assault for taxes we don't even owe. We've got proof we paid our taxes, but they've ignored all this. Both my husband and I lost our jobs due to the harassment. We've got liens and levies and it's a real struggle. A friend got my husband a job as a stripper at a gay night club. My husband does not like gay people, but took the job because we are desperate. He's really miserable. Is there anything special I can do for him thi ...Continue Reading

I went to my friend's house recently and noticed that his Christmas tree was bare except for a shotgun shell near the top. I asked, "What's the deal, no decorations?" Puzzled, he looked at me and said, "What do you mean? It's a cartridge in a bare tree." ...Continue Reading

We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in the summer, from the fox terrier rescue program. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this type of adoption, imagine taking in a 10-year-old child whom you know nothing about and committing to doing your best to be a good parent. Like a child, the dog came with his own idiosyncrasies. He will sleep only on the bed, on top of the covers, nuzzled as close to my face as he can get without actually performing a French kiss on me. Lest you think this ...Continue Reading

Q: What is one thing almost nobody is thankful for?A: Waiting in line after Thanksgiving and smelling other people's turkey farts. On the other hand, if you are sadistic enough you wait for this time all year long. Then you get next to the longest, slowest line you can find and release a string of "silent but deadly" farts and walk off. ...Continue Reading

The American Society of Optimists still clings to the idea that somebody somewhere will find evidence of something intelligent that Joe Biden said or did. Recently, a large group of members quit the society over this issue. Their spokesman said there's a difference between optimism and delusion. ...Continue Reading

Q: Why did Pilgrims' pants always fall down?  A: Because they wore their belt buckle on their hat. ...Continue Reading

https://twitter.com/ScottBaio/status/1726457496683028692 ...Continue Reading

Someday, Thanksgiving will have real meaning to Americans. We will celebrate the day that our lawful government (yet to be re-established) abolished the IRS. In the meantime, let's remember most of the people they hire are retards, screw-ups, and misfits. We should not fear IRS employees, we should ridicule them. ...Continue Reading