He said he had prostrate cancer. [Don't lie down, and it will go away!] ...Continue Reading

He said the doctor operated on him using a scaffold. [scalpel] ...Continue Reading

Interrupt and say, "Let me guess. You got a funky liberal arts degree in some esoteric major instead of learning a trade or getting a degree an employer will pay you for, so now you are so desperate for a job you sunk to telemarketing. Am I right?" ...Continue Reading

The inventor of the door bell did not own a dog. ...Continue Reading

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P4fu90taz_8 ...Continue Reading

Well, there's good news for many Americans. The IRS plan to penalize the parents of children who fail to report Halloween candy as income will be limited to waitresses, waiters, teachers, and small business owners. ...Continue Reading

A man with a woman strapped to his back shows up at a Halloween costume party.The host asks, "I don't get your costume. What did you come as?"The man replies,"I came as a snail."The host snickers and says, "What about her?"The man replies, "She's Michelle". ...Continue Reading

Two brothers, Jim and Jason, had been going to the same Halloween party every year for the past 40 years. They were noted for their originality in "figure out what I am" costumes. In fact, this was now a regular contest. The first person to figure out what they both were would get a prize--assuming that happened within the two-hour time limit. Most years, it didn't. Jim and Jason walked around the party for two hours, carrying a coffee can with a slot in the lid. People would wink and drop in their ballot ...Continue Reading

Dave looked down at the papers in front of him, then looked up. "I see you people are all set for Halloween." The person he spoke to asked, "How do you mean?" "You may not be dressed up, but there's no mistaking you for vampires. I've never met such blood suckers in all my life. When my kids ask for Halloween costumes this year, I'm going to bring them to your office to see what real monsters look like." With that, Dave rose from his chair and left the IRS offices. ...Continue Reading

A couple was getting ready to go to a Halloween party but the wife had a terrible headache. She told her husband to go anyway. After a short argument he agreed, and she took some aspirin and went to bed.  Later she awoke and felt great, so she decided to go to the party and see what her hubby did when she wasn't around. As soon as she arrived, she noticed him on the dance floor getting very friendly with every hottie in the place, and groping them when he could. She then cut in and rubbed close to him. When th ...Continue Reading