Say, "When the phone rang, I had just taken my biggest dump ever. Hold for a moment while I take a picture." Pause for a couple of seconds, then yell, "It's moving! It's coming after me!" Then scream as if you're being attacked. "It's killing me! You did something to it over the phone! Murderer!" Then hang up ...Continue Reading

Pissan Yu Renee Nose Jorge House (first name pronounced "Hore Hey") ...Continue Reading

When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye. ...Continue Reading

IRS: Where There's A Will We Plunder It ...Continue Reading

Thanks to Mike for this one: Two FBI agents search an office and find a hard drive with “KGB” on it. One of the agents asks the other, “Why didn't they just write ‘1 TB’ instead?” ...Continue Reading

One of the dumbest questions asked in an interview is, "Where do you see yourself in five years?" One job seeker retorted with, "Suspended with pay." ...Continue Reading

My neighbor complained a lot about his 90 minute commute, mostly how he hated sitting behind the wheel three hours every day. He'd been looking for a job closer to home, and finally got one. "Fantastic," I said. "What are you doing now?" "I'm a bus driver." ...Continue Reading

Interrupt and ask him to call you back on your other line. Give the phone number of the local Democratic Party office. When he calls you back, apologize for your mistake and give him the phone number of the local Republican Party office. ...Continue Reading

Warren Peace Ima Fokker Mary Christmas ...Continue Reading

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered. ...Continue Reading