Doctor You've got to help me! I just can't stop my hands from shaking! Doc: Do you drink a lot? Not really. I spill most of it. ...Continue Reading

Question: What's the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman? Answer: You can unscrew a light bulb. ...Continue Reading

The bank manager noticed the new clerk was an idiot at counting money and adding up figures. "Where did you get your finance education?" he asked. "Yale," replied the lad. "And what's your name?" barked the manager. "Yim Yohnston," he replied. ...Continue Reading

Interrupt and ask, "So what part of India are you from?" Do this regardless of the caller's accent. Unless he sounds like he's from India. Then ask him what part of Boston he is from. ...Continue Reading

I knew a frog who thought he was 100% German, but he was wrong. Turns out he was a tad Pole. ...Continue Reading

IRS: Voted Best Federal Agency by The Association of Psychopaths and Serial Killers ...Continue Reading

Two Irishmen, Patrick Murphy and Sean O'Brian grew up together and were lifelong friends. Patrick developed cancer, and was dying.  While on his deathbed, Patrick told Sean, "Shawny ole boy, we've been friends all our lives, and now I'm leaving 'ere.  I 'ave one last request fir ye to do." O'Brian burst into tears, "Anything ye wish Pat. Consider it done." "Under me bed is a bottle of the finest whiskey in all of Ireland.  It was bottled the year I was born.  After ...Continue Reading

Man: May I say a word? Woman: Please do. Man: Plethora. Woman: Thanks. That means a lot. ...Continue Reading

Q: What's the difference between a bad rifleman and a constipated owl? A: One shoots but can't hit. ...Continue Reading

If it's a man, say, "I read that 98% of men who go into telemarketing have a abnormally small penis. You don't sound like you're in the other 2%." ...Continue Reading