A bride on her wedding night says to her husband "I must confess darling, I was a hooker!" He says "That's alright, dear. Your past is your past, but I must admit that I find it quite erotic. Tell me about it." She replies "Well, my name was Nigel, and I played for Wigan!" ...Continue Reading

What's the difference between Harold Shipman and Tony Blair? Shipman actually did something about NHS waiting lists. (Shipman was a doctor and a prolific serial killer) ...Continue Reading

Ask, "Have you ever won the lottery?" He'll say no. Come back with, "You can imagine how the winners feel, right?" He'll say something positive. Then you say, "That's the opposite of how I feel when I get yet another telescammer call." Then hang up. ...Continue Reading

Jack Kass Liv Verr Ian Salt ...Continue Reading

Turning vegan is a big missed steak. ...Continue Reading

Now Hiring! People with a Conscience Need Not Apply ...Continue Reading

I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted to me, "Oi, what's your disability?" I said, "Tourettes! Now f**k off!" ...Continue Reading

I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?" ...Continue Reading

A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub. She says "Show me it's true what they say about black men." So he stabs her and nicks her purse. ...Continue Reading

Say, "How do I know this is a real person calling me? I want you to e-mail me a PDF of your driver's license. Front and back." ...Continue Reading