Biden Jokes: The Complete Collection

On Monday the 20th of January, our national hero rightfully resumed office and began using that office to repair America instead of destroy America.

During the four year communist occupation with a mentally retarded front man, I have tried to provide a little humor by mocking our retard in chief. I wrote every one of these jokes. It's a big collection, now. As promised, I am sending all of them at once so you can have some laughs about the Biden travesty during the early stages of our national recovery.

Start

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(j)Intellectual breakthrough

On his seventh attempt, late yesterday afternoon, Joe Biden successfully counted to three. This is really good news, because this achievement makes him look much smarter than he actually is. He is now training for an attempt in August to count to four.

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(j) Don't worry, I've taken care of it

Many people are worried that Joe Biden will run through the White House with scissors, stupidly fall on them, and make Kamala Harris our President.

Don't worry about losing Joe Biden. I sat on my toilet today and made a spare.

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 (j)Bitcoin for Biden

Have you heard of Buttcoin? It's like Bitcoin, except it requires having your head up your ass.

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Three is not a charm

Joe Biden is serving his third term as Vice President. Kamala Harris, whom Democrats soundly rejected in the primaries, is the de facto President. Chancellor Pelosi will no doubt prevent impeachment. It's odd that now, after so many fake impeachments (the Bill Clinton one was a spectacle, wasn't it?), we badly need impeachment now but it won't happen on Chancellor Pelosi's watch. These three criminals are definitely not a charm. And neither is Brainless Biden's third term as Vice President.

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(j)That must be it!

I did my weekly weigh-in this morning, and found I had gained 5lbs since last week. I told myself it was because I hadn't shaved yet and Joe Biden is a great president.

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(j)Easier communication

We have a word in English, imported from French, that people pronounce various ways: bidet. You hear it as bid-ay, bud-day, bigh-dett, bid-et, and so on. Very confusing. So to make it easier for toilet users to communicate, the Americanized word is "biden".

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Q: What's the most progressive thing about Joe Biden?

A: His dementia

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(j)My Grandmother's vote

My conservative grandmother used to be a big Trump supporter, but in 2020 her mail-in ballot was cast for Joe Biden.

No way would she have done that if she were still alive then.

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Q: Biden and Pelosi are trapped on an island. Who survives?

A: America

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Q: What is Biden's new slogan?

A: Make America Broke Again.

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Q: Why doesn’t Joe Biden visit children with cancer in hospitals?

A: Because he can’t sniff their hair.

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(j)Untouchable

People who want to impeach Biden don't understand. He is untouchable. The most they can hope for is to sniff his hair.

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How to speak Bidenese

https://tolleystopics.com/2021/08/08/how-to-speak-bidenese/

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Upon becoming President through fraud, Joe Biden is told he needs to assemble a cabinet. Coming back from IKEA, he realizes he's greatly misunderstood the task

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China is honoring Biden, who is apparently their most potent weapon against the United States.

They named a central landmark in Beijing for Biden.

"FOR BIDEN CITY!"

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Joe Biden recently took an experimental medication that was expected to triple his IQ. It worked, his IQ is now 3.

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The Joke

Biden and Barack don't tell each other "yo mama" jokes. They tell each other Jo 'Bama jokes.

And we all know that having a mentally retarded pedophile illegally occupying the White House is no joke. It's a disaster. Support the election integrity movement!

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(j)Message support

My name is Joe Biden and...

I forget this message.

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(j)Joe Biden walks into a bar

Joe Biden walks into a bar and sees a hot, young woman sitting alone at a table. He sits down next to her and says, “So, do I come here often?”

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Bidenitis

A friend of mine came down with a severe case of Bidenitis. But I understand it's becoming an epidemic now. Symptoms include headaches, vomiting, and an incredibly sore ass.

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Q: Why is Joe Biden afraid of getting COVID?

A: Because he'd lose his sense of smell.

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Irony

Picture this and think of the irony. Joe Biden at an "intelligence" briefing.

(j)What do you call…

Q: What do you call a Democrat transsexual these days?

A: For Biden fruit.

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Q: What is the difference between a Joe Biden speech and a Donald Trump speech?

A: When you hear a Joe Biden speech, you know he's severely retarded. When you hear a Trump speech, you can't help but conclude those who hate him are retarded.

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Q: In what way is Biden like a prisoner who is constantly getting months tacked on due to bad behavior?

A: He can't finish his sentence.

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Q: Why does Biden wear a face diaper?

A: Because his head is up his ass so often.

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Joe Biden keeps confusing incontinence with the Constitution; he thinks they are the same thing.

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(j)Biden buy

For many years, Americans have been able to purchase a flag that was flown over the White House and it's about $30.

Now there's a new thing. You can get a copy of the Constitution that Joe Biden has wiped his ass with, for only $25. For an extra $20, you can get another copy that Nancy Pelosi wiped her ass with. That's a matched set for under $50. What a deal!

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(j)Botox

Joe Biden gets his brain botoxed every morning.

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(j)Backfiring joke

I had this joke that seemed really funny at first. But it's turned out to be a disaster. Here's the joke: Joe Biden

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Q: What is the one liability that is most hurting the Democrat Party?

A: Joe Biden.

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Q: What's the single best thing Joe Biden can do in 2022 to improve his performance as POTUS?

A: Concede the election to Donald Trump.

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Q: What's the difference between Biden and a politician who is merely phony, corrupt, and destructive?

A: Obama was President first.

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(j)Biden Browser

Joe Biden is like a web browser with 19 tabs open. 17 are frozen and he doesn't know where the music is coming from.

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Q: What do Joe Biden and Russia have in common?

A: Neither of them respect boundaries.

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Q: What does Joe Biden say to young girls when he leaves the room?

A: "Smell ya later!"

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(j)Joe Biden Singing the Alphabet

Joe: "A, B, C, D, E, F, G,"

"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P,"

\*pauses\*

"I don't remember the rest,"

"Nor can I sing,"

"That doesn't matter,"

"You know the thing."

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Q: What do Joe Biden and Russia have in common?

A: Neither of them respect boundaries.

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(j)Confusion

A lot of gay men are ordering the Michelle Obama dildo, because it's allegedly an exact replica of Michelle's penis. Rumor has it that Joe Biden bought one because in his confusion he thought he was a post-op transsexual.

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Q: What’s Joe Biden’s favorite arcade game?

A: Space Invaders

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(j)Joe Biden knows in his heart

Joe Biden knows in his heart that he is the only one who can truly defeat Ronald Reagan this November.

Oh sorry, I meant Joe Biden knows in his heart that he is the only one who can truly defeat Joe Biden this November.

Oh sorry, I meant Joe Biden has done an outstanding job of leading his party to defeat this November.

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Q: Why does Joe Biden call women muffins?

A: Cause muffins backwards is sniffum.

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Joe Biden is a Jack of all trades

Apparently he has his fingers in many pies.

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(j)Joe Biden meeting

Joe Biden had a meeting with the cabinet today

He also spoke to the bookcase and argued with the desk.

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(j)Mexican Navy

A U.S. Navy destroyer stops four Mexicans in a small boat rowing towards Texas.

The Captain gets on the megaphone and shouts, "Ahoy, small craft. Where are you headed?”

One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and shouts,  "Gringo, we are invading the United States of America to reclaim the territory taken by the USA during the War of 1812.”

The entire crew on the destroyer doubles over in laughter.  The Captain finally catches his breath, gets back on the megaphone and asks, "Just the four of you?"

The same Mexican stands up again and shouts,  "No Señor, we are the last four. Thanks to your President Biden… the other 21 million are already there."

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(j)Joe and Jab Inducement

President Joe Biden announced that he would give a free bottle of Bud Light to anyone who got a "vaccine."

Not to be outdone, the next day, the President Obrador of Mexico announced that he would give a bottle of Corona to anyone who got a "vaccine."

The day after, the President Higgins of Ireland announced that he'd be giving out free bottles of water.

Biden and Obrador were confused and gave the Irish President a Zoom call. "We kinda expected you to give out free Guiness, being from Ireland and all"

The Irish President replied: "Well, if you guys aren't giving out beer, then neither am I."

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Q: What's the best thing about being Joe Biden?

A: Waking up every day and learning that you're the president.

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(j)Going home early

There little Johnny sat in the back of class…

as the teacher announced that "Today, if the students could name the famous Americans who said these famous quotes, they could go home early."

Excited, the whole class perked up.

"First one." Mr. Jones said. "We have nothing to fear but fear itself."

Every student's hand was up. Both of Johnny's were up because he Really knew the answer. But instead Mr. Jones called on Rachel in the front row.

"It was Franklin Roosevelt." She said confidently.

"Very good, Rachel. You can leave early."

"Number Two. Tear down this wall."

Again all hands shot up. Johnny was reaching for the ceiling. But instead Mr. Jones called on Timmy near the front.

"Was it Ronald Reagan?"

"It was, Timmy. You'll be going home early too."

Johnny was getting pissed

"Number three. Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country."

Hands all went up but Johnny was starting to think it was a rigged game.

"Samantha?"

"That was John F. Kennedy."

"Very good, Samantha. Okay. Number four."

Johnny who was now beligerant shouted from the back of class. "Will you shut up, man!"

Furious, Mr. Jones yelled. "Who said that?"

Johnny jumped up on his desk. "Joe Biden! WooHoo! I'm going home early!"

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(j)Paris Mistake

The White House said that not sending a senior official to the Paris liberty march was a mistake. Joe Biden was supposed to fly there, but he’s not allowed on a plane unless he’s accompanied by an adult.

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Hispanic Word of the Day: Bodywash

Joe Biden was on TV today, but no bodywash him.

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(j)A vegetable or not?

Lamenting what has happened to the economy since the coup, a friend of mine said, "Joe Biden is a real piece of shit".

I said, "He's practically a vegetable. Maybe you should say he's a real piece of broccoli. Then again, broccoli is good for people and Biden's policies have resulted in thousands of deaths. So on second thought, you were right in the first place."

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Boxers or Briefs, Mr. President?

In 1992 while being interviewed by MTV, Bill Clinton was asked if he wore boxers or briefs? Clinton replied, "Boxers"

In 2008 US magazine asked Obama, "Boxers or briefs"? Obama declined to answer the question.

Last week AARP asked Joe Biden, "Boxers or briefs"? Biden responded, "Depends".

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Q: What did Joe Biden get on his IQ test?

A: Drool.

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He's so dumb

It's not easy making fun of Joe Biden. You really have to explain the joke to him before he finally gets it.

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(j)How did you know?

When Joe Biden was a baby, his mother handed him to a neighbor who promtply said, "How did you know I'm a vegetarian?"

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(j)Progressive?

Leftists call themselves progressive, but look who put the first mentally retarded person in the White House.

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Q: Why is Joe Biden so stupid?

A: He's obviously worked at it.

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Today's Bit of Advice

After you take a dump, don't forget to wipe your Biden

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Q: What's a great way to confuse Joe Biden?

A: Put him in a room full of shovels and tell him to take his pick.

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(j)Biden's Laundry

Biden: I just put my laundry in the fridge. Sometimes I think I am retarded.

Secret Service Agent: Oh! I do that all the time.

Biden: Put clothes in the fridge?

Secret Service Agent: No. Think that you are retarded.

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Shoe sized IQ

Biden is the first President whose shoe size is greater than his IQ

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(j)New toilet paper

Have you seen the new Joe Biden toilet paper?

You can wipe the entire economy with it.

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The only one

Biden is the only President people refer to as Pedo-Hitler. Oops, that's not a joke. It's for real.

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A mind is….

A comment often heard when Biden "speaks" is, "A mind is a terrible thing not to have."

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Q: How can you tell a Biden supporter from a sane person?

A: The Biden supporter believes electricity comes from the wall, borders don't matter, jobs don't matter, armed people looting stores are peaceful protestors but unarmed people accepting guards' invitation to enter the Capitol Building are insurrectionists, and it's OK to engage in blatant discrimination on sexual and race grounds.

The sane person doesn't think a mentally retarded pedophile should be our President and wants Biden impeached.

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(j)Try to Imagine

Try to imagine yourself as the head of state of another country, and you are expected to not only decipher what Joe Biden is trying to say but to take him and the whole meeting seriously. Yeah, look around for that Candid Camera!

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(j)Higher ambitions?

We like our leaders to be representative of our higher ambitions and our great hopes. Thus the magic of Kennedy ("Camelot") and Obama's charisma. Then there's Joe Biden, who is representative of what happens to people with severe brain damage.

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(j)Showing support

Remember the MAGA hats people could wear if they wanted to show support for our last competent President?

Now people who want to show support for Joe Biden can wear Joe Biden underpants. They come pre-stained with a lump already in the back.

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Happiness is….

…Joe Biden's picture on a milk carton.

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We need Joe Biden in the White House like a farmer needs mice in the grain silo.

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(j)Example

When Trump bashers made some kind of accusation, I shut them up by saying, "Give me an example." Now I can shut up a libtard by asking them for an example when they claim Joe Biden did something right.

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(j)My friends call me….

Upon meeting a certain foreign dignitary for the fifth time, Joe Biden said, "I'm pleased to finally meet you. But you don't have to call me Mr. President. My friends call me Brandon."

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(j)Give me abnormal!

Brainless Biden's idea of "restoring normalcy" is to bring back massive unemployment, rampant inflation, and energy shortages. You can give me abnormal any day of the week!

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Honest Campaign

If the Biden campaign had been honest

"I'm Joe Biden, and I don't understand this message."

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The Presidents keep getting developmentally younger

Bill Clinton: The college dude banging chicks.

GW: The Freshman with his head up the Senior's (Dick Cheney) rear end.

Obama: The High School Prom King

Trump: The petulant pre-teen.

Biden: Coming up on two years old, but still incoherent and in diapers.

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(j)Do you remember when

Do you remember when Joe Biden was a Senator and intelligent? Of course not, he was never intelligent.

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(j)How can you tell he cheated

Q: How can you tell when Joe Biden cheated on an IQ test?

A: He got a score of 5, instead of his usual zero.

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(j)Mask Man

If you had a one-inch marble and a fishing net with 4-inch cells, would the marble go through any of those holes in the net? The obvious answer is yes. The holes in an N95 face mask are about 4.5 times bigger than the Covid virus, meaning the mask is useless against Covid. So why does Biden insist that everyone should wear a face diaper? Is it to facilitate convenience store robberies or is it because the incontinent old kook also wears adult diapers?

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Why he objected

When Obama was about to decide whether to give the green light to have the Seals take out Osama Bin Laden, he asked each member of his mission team to give their input. Each team member gave a big thumbs up to it, except one. That was Joe Biden. He said we shouldn't do it, because if the Pakistanis really were harboring Bin Laden we might make them upset by going in after him.

OK, this is the part where I'm supposed to say, "Just kidding. Nobody is THAT stupid". But it's actually what Stupid Joe said!

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(j)Better Brain

Doctors in Bethesda have come up with a plan to radically increase Joe Biden's IQ via transplant to replace his existing brain. If you have a colon blockage, you may be a donor. To arrange a compatibility test, please send a stool sample to the Joe Biden Brain Fund.

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Today's Pop Quiz

Q: What was Joe Biden's nickname in high school?   

A: The turd that wouldn't flush.

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The contest

Joe Biden told a staffer he wanted to prove he was smarter than someone. The staffer said he'd find a suitable competitor and challenge each of them to a few simple brain teasers. After the contest, Biden asked his staffer, "So did I win?"

The staffer said, "Not even close. The rock beat you soundly. I apologize for not anticipating this, because everyone around here says you're dumber than a rock. I thought it was just an expression."

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The body double

The Secret Service has often used a body double for the President, someone who can help them deceive a potential assassin or to stand in to meet foreign dignitaries. They had a hard time finding one for Nixon, because nobody has jowls like that. But they did eventually find a couple of guys to fill the position. With Biden, it has proven impossible. The problem is every potential body double will, under pressure, speak in a complete sentence.

Given what Biden has done to the country, the motivation for the Secret Service to continue the search is gone. They've opted for a dog turd to use as a stand-in, since people routinely call Biden a POS.

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(j)Dog Doings

Biden's detail took him for a short stroll in the park, to help loosen his bowels and empty them before a gala event so he wouldn't have yet another little turd roll down his leg. One of the detail saw a dog licking his own balls and said, "Mr. President, with all these long hours I look at that dog and wish I could do that."

"It's no good," says Biden. "The last time I tried to do that to a dog he bit me."

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(j)Dramatic pause

A particular stand-up comedian liked to pause for dramatic effect. He started to tell a joke about something stupid Biden had said. He said, "Biden thinks…." and paused. The audience roared! They thought that was the whole joke.

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What do they call….

Q: What do Biden staffers call someone who showed up at a Joe Biden rally?

A: An imaginary friend.

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Q: What was Joe Biden's IQ when he turned 18?

A: He didn't have one.

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Q: What do you call Joe Biden when he contradicts himself?

A: An oxi-moron.

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(j)Someday

Someday, we'll look back on the disastrous Biden Presidency and think of it as just one big skidmark on the toiletbowl of life.

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(j)The pile

A Secret Service agent is taking Joe Biden for a walk. He spots a huge pile of dog crap on the path and starts to steer Biden around it. Biden says, "It's just mud. Look, I'll prove it to you." With that, Biden rushes forward, bends down, and takes a bite out of the pile. As he's chewing, his face contorts. Biden swallows and says, "Holy moly, it really was dog crap. Good thing we didn't step in it!"

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(j)Taco Bell

As Biden's motorcade goes through town, he spots a Taco Bell in the distance. "Hey, let's go there for lunch," he says. Realizing the security problems of this unplanned stop and the fact a catered meal was already waiting at their destination, the quick-thinking driver says, "Sir, every time I go there I get diarrhea." Biden says, "Gosh, I didn't know they had that on the menu. Can I get mine with extra hot sauce?"

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(j)New element discovered

The new element, Bidenmentium (symbol=Bm), has no neutron at its core. It is, instead, made of one moron, 12 commitrons, and 306 electorals. Electorals are similar to electrons, except they are not real. This construction gives it some anti-matter properties. Indeed, it has been observed obliterating entire economies.

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(j)Why do they think so?

Biden asked his phone, "Siri, why do so many people think I'm a blithering idiot?"

"My name is Alexa. Siri is the digital assistant for Apple. You do not even have an Apple phone, yours is an Android. Does that answer your question?"

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(j)Father's advice          

When Joe Biden was getting serious about Jill, he told his parents he wanted to marry her.

His father said, "Make sure she has the same beliefs as your family, or the marriage won't last." Joe replied, "She does."

"All of our beliefs?

"Yes."

His father replied, "It certainly did not take her long to believe that you are a complete idiot who has aspirations of being a moron."

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Q: Obama was known for his charisma. What is Joe Biden known for?

A: His imbecility.

(j)Today's Pondering Thought

Question. If you found out you had a house plant dumber than Joe Biden, would you stop watering it?

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Q: How do you know when Joe Biden is saying something stupid?

A: His lips are moving.

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Today's Thought

If men who identify as women get their penis removed, shouldn't people who identify as Biden supporters get their brains removed?

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(j)Describing Joe Biden

How to describe Joe Biden? Think of Rain Man without the ability to count the matchsticks.

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(j)Today's Pop Quiz

Q: What should you do if you learn that Joe Biden has a brain tumor?

A: Send a Get Well card to the tumor.

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(j)What he believes

Some things that stupid people believe are truly astounding. If we could ever get Joe Biden to speak coherently, it would be amusing to hear what crazy things he believes.

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(j)When First Noticed

Q: When did people first notice Joe Biden's dementia?

A: When he was in the second grade.

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New T-shirt

Biden & Son

Selling out America since 1973

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Thought for the day

How was this past Tuesday Independence Day, when our Commander In Chief wears Depends?

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(j)How many?

Q: How many Joe Bidens does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Nobody really knows, but it takes only one to screw a whole country.

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Walk like a Joe Biden

https://youtu.be/ULk8-DGC7Hs

(j)Approval rating

Polls periodically come out showing that Joe Biden has a double digit approval rating. Sometimes, it's as high as 17%. It's a fair bet that Biden himself is the only one being polled.

"Brilliant" Biden

https://youtu.be/WxXepkdJHko

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Bidenomics

Biden's economic plan:

1. Eviscerate the energy sector, which is the foundation of our economy.

2. Continue pushing pointless, ineffective measures against the non-threat of Covid.

3. Sign one reckless spending bill after another, pushing the deficit and thus inflation sharply higher.

4. Blame Trump for the results.

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Where to find Biden voters

The vast majority of people are astounded that Joe Biden got more than a handful of votes in the 2020 election. Trump rallies had 50,000 people while Biden rallies had fewer than 4 people other than staff or reporters. So where all those people who voted for Biden? Just visit any cemetery and you'll find them.

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(j)Complete sentences

Remember when you were in grade school, and you were told to write complete sentences? When you got an A on your homework, your parents would say something like, "You can grow up to be anything you want, even the President."

So today we have a President who can't complete a sentence and apparently never grew up. No parent wants their kid to end up like that.

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(j)Employee awards

You know how fast food joints and similar companies that employee teenagers have the Employee of the Month award because the pay is so bad? What kind of award would they have for Joe Biden? Worst Hire Ever? Moron of the Month?

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(j)He is dumber than he knows

Hearing Biden yell from inside the Oval Office, a Secret Service agent rushed in. "Are you OK sir?"

"Yes, yes, I'm fine. But I'm going to make an announcement this evening that will stun all the haters who keep saying I'm stupid."

The agent looks at him curiously, so Biden continues. "A couple of years ago, I started working on this jigsaw puzzle every day. You know, my quiet hour in which I am not to be disturbed. And I just finished it."

"Congratulations, sir."

Biden picks up a small cardboard box and points to some text on it. "Yes, it took me only a couple of years and right here on the box it says 3 to 5 years."

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(j)The Page

Biden needs some help with a project he's doing, so he calls Nancy Pelosi and asks if she can send a Page to the Oval Office at 9AM sharp the next day.

At 9AM, a girl walks in and Biden extends his hand to shake. When she takes his hand, he of course sniffs her hair. Sarcastically, she says, "I just got a tattoo of a sea shell on the inside of my thigh. Since you sniffed my hair, maybe you want to see that too."

Biden doesn't catch the sarcasm, and says he wants to see the tattoo. He won't let it go, he keeps badgering her about it. Reluctantly, she pulls up her skirt and shows him. But when she lets her skirt down his face is right there. He puts his ear to where the tattoo is and says, "I'd like to hear the sea." After a second, he says, "I can hear the sea, and I can also smell the fish market!"

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(j)The Threat

Biden gets in a huff at meeting with Putin. He says, "Look, Vladimir, I'm going to give you to the count of ten to surrender to us or I'll launch an ICBM."

Putin's aide immediately whispers in his ear, "Don't worry. Biden can count only to six. It’s an idle threat."

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Q: How do we know Joe Biden is capable of photosynthesis?

A: He can't possibly eat enough to be that full of shit.

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(j)Secret Service bags

When Obama was President, the Secret Service carried plastic bags for the doggie doo. With Biden as president, the Secret Service carries plastic bags for zombie doo.

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(j)Stroke

A stroke often leaves the victim disoriented and unable to speak coherently. If Biden were to have a stroke, how would we be able to tell?

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(j)Hope springs eternal

The American Society of Optimists still clings to the idea that somebody somewhere will find evidence of something intelligent that Joe Biden said or did. Recently, a large group of members quit the society over this issue. Their spokesman said there's a difference between optimism and delusion.

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Just when you thought….

Just when you thought the socialism, corruption, and incompetence we endured through 8 years of Mike and Barry "Obama" were behind us and America was becoming great again, we got saddled with Brainless Biden. Now here we are nearly four years later, and the Biden Crime Family makes Mr. and Mr. "Obama" look downright patriotic by comparison.

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(j)A real survivor

You have to give Biden credit for his ability to survive. He's the only known human being to have overdosed on Stupid Pills 963 times and live to tell about it (not coherently, of course).

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Q: What's the most intelligent thing Joe Biden ever said?

A: Doh.

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(j)After, #1

After being fake-elected, Joe Biden was told he would need to prepare for the transition. He responded by saying he was merely supporting the trans community not joining it.

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(j)After, #2

After being fake-elected, Joe Biden was told the Secret Service would brief him within the hour. Biden responded by saying, "I prefer boxers, because there's more room for my adult diapers that way."

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(j)After, #3

After being fake-elected, Joe Biden's office took on the distinct odor of poopy diapers.

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(j)After, #4

After being fake-elected, Joe Biden celebrated by walking up to his Secret Service detail and sniffing their hair. One responded by wrinkling his nose and asking, "Who just shit their pants?"

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(j)After, #5

After being fake-elected, Joe Biden took one look at his pot-bellied, cackling VP and, uh, forgot what he was going to say.

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(j)After, #6

After being fake-elected, Joe Biden asked his Secret Service detail if they were still secret.

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(j)After, #7

After being fake-elected, Joe Biden asked his team to vote on the three best ways to topple America. The winners? Bidenflation, stoking of racism, and restriction of our fuel supply. And now you know why life is so much tougher now!

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Entrance exam

A bouncer was in charge of deciding whether people could come into the night club. Unbeknownst to the management, he was a racist. And he hated "white" people. Three people approached the door.

The bouncer looked at the black guy and said, "Name the last three presidents of the USA." The guy laughed and rattled off their names. "Fine," the bouncer said, "I'll let you in when I open the door."

 Turning to the Hispanic, he said, "Name the current President of the United States." The Hispanic guy looked at him and said, "You're joking, right?"

"No," said the bouncer. All you have to do is name him. "OK, Joe Biden."

Then he looked at the white guy. "Name three things Joe Biden has done right."

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(j)New level

I guess you could say this level of incompetence in the White House is unPRESIDENTed.

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(j)A long wait

Joe Biden waited his entire political career to become President and accomplish great things. He's still waiting.

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(j)My trip to the store

I bought a box of Bidenberries. I got home and opened the box. It caused all my other food to rot within only a few minutes.

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(j)Twice versus once

A stopped clock is right twice a day. We have yet to see Joe Biden be right about anything. Even once.

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Calculating Biden's IQ

Doesn't it seem like Biden's IQ is 100 minus his age?

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He's special

Not just any idiot can become President. Joe Biden is a special kind of stupid.

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Bidenomics

He says it's working. Yep, 100% inflation while on his watch (each dollar now worth 50 cents because twice as many dollars because insane level of spending on stupid stuff).

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Q: What kind of moron is Joe Biden?

A: An especially stupid one.

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Q: What is Joe Biden's IQ?

A: He doesn't have one.

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Q: How can you tell when Joe Biden is dazed and confused?

A: Check for a pulse.

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(j)Bomb dropping, then and now

Nixon dropped bombs on Cambodia. Biden drops bombs down his pant leg.

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Q: What are the three sweet words every man and woman wants to hear?

A: Bye Bye Biden

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(j)Reputation

Every President is known for something. Obama, for example, was known for his charisma. Biden is known for his incompetence.

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Bidenomics: The only economic plan based on inflating the money supply 83% in 18 months while signing legislation and executive orders that cause businesses to fail and GDP to plummet.

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Then and now

1974: The teacher tells the class, "Study hard. You could become President some day."

2024: The teacher tells the class, "Study hard. Or else you could become President some day."

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(j)Team Biden

Team Biden: A perfect track record of abysmal performance and outright failure

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What year is it?

 https://x.com/mazemoore/status/1809315343212638406

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The goal of Bidenomics

Bidenomics is part of DEI. They want to make sure that when it comes to poverty, everyone feels included.

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Q: Why can't Biden play the game, "Pick a number and divide by your IQ?"

A: You can't divide by zero.

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Q: How many Bidens does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Nobody really knows, but we have discovered that it take only one to screw the whole country.

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(j)Biden and the zoo

When Joe Biden was little, his parents frequently took him to the zoo. Unfortunately, the zoo refused to take him in and they sent him right back to his parents.

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A perfect track record

Brainless Biden has failed at everything he's done since being illegally installed in office as POTUS. No other POTUS has been a 100% failure. Even Obama got a few things right, and he managed to surpass Wilson as the worst POTUS of all time in terms of financial damage.

Wilson still holds the record on death toll (6 million Jews in Hitlerland and 12 million in the USSR, plus all the other deaths in the two World Wars he caused), but Biden's pushing of the terribly unsafe experimental gene therapy has pushed him into a solid second place. Biden is on par with Pol Pot and other banana republic dictators.

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Impeachment double standard

The communists impeached Trump four times. At the end of his first term, we had the lowest unemployment in 50 years, the rate of inflation was decreasing, we were energy-independent, we met our CO2 targets, peace was being brokered in the Middle East, Russia stayed out of Ukraine, and businesses were growing. All of the opposite is true now after 3 years of Biden. And yet, not a single impeachment.

I wish I were joking

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Happiness is….

Joe Biden's picture on a milk carton.

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(j)Delusions

Joe Biden has delusions of adequacy.

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(j)Why?

Why is "sleepy Joe" so woke?

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My dog

I had a dog I named Joe Biden. He started slobbering and barking incoherently. It got worse and worse. It was awful to watch, and I eventually had to have him put down.

(Heard around the DNC just before Kamala's nomination)

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(j)Joe Biden's Signature Accomplishment

No other Democrat has done so much to make so many registered Democrats become registered Republicans. Causing massive defections from the Democrat Party is the one thing he's done right.

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(j)How Do You Know?

Q: How do you know when Joe Biden made the right decision?

A: Look overhead. If you see pigs flying, he got it right.

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Confirmed

Brainless Biden's appearance on The View confirmed his mental decline reached a truly scary level because the audience for that show are all stupid in the extreme.

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(j)They walk among us

There are actually people who believe Joe Biden is not a complete screw-up. And they walk among us.

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Nasal whine

Kamala has an annoying nasal whine. She talks out of her nose, while Joe Biden talks out of his ass. I wonder which is worse?

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(j)Setting expectations

During the 2020 election, Joe Biden set our expectations. We didn't expect he would "win", but then we didn't expect all those mail-in votes to come in after the polls closed in the swing states and we didn't expect 93% of them to be for Biden. We did expect him to be a bumbling fool, and on that score he has delivered what we expected.

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(j)When EF Hutton speaks….

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Remember the old slogan, "When EF Hutton speaks, people listen?" When Joe Biden speaks, people wonder. -- What did that doddering old fool just say? Does even he know?

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(j)One of his few accomplishments

Biden is so stupid, his name has become a synonym for stupid. "That was a Joe Biden thing to do."

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(j)Increasingly Common Comment

This little snippet is becoming common in the workplace, as people mull over working like dogs and still being broke: "After you take a Joe, don't forget to wipe your Biden."

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(j)Biden Goes Zeppelin

The Biden administration has now adopted a Led Zeppelin hit as their official theme song. You guessed it right, the song is "Dazed and Confused".
 

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(j)Presidental Protection

Biden tapped Harris as his VP because in 2020 she was even more stupid and anti-American than he was. That guaranteed nobody would assassinate him. But as his dementia progressed, the calculus changed. Thus, the election coup that put Komrade Kamala on the ticket after Biden lost the election to Trump at their first debate.

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Brainless Biden's Foreign Policy

He is the only POTUS whose foreign policy is to alienate our allies and encourage illegal aliens to cross our border.

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Which Stock is it?

Liberals wear their Birkenstocks to show membership in their clan. Now thanks to Joe "Brainless" Biden and Cackling Kamala, their clan is a laughingstock.

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Politeness in the Biden Family

The Bidens are so polite. At a recent family gathering, you could hear all the relatives saying, "Pardon me."

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Who is the record holder?

Kamala Harris might be the only person on the planet who is dumber than Joe Biden. The problem is, we don't have an IQ test that goes low enough to confirm this.

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The vaccine

Remember when Brainless Biden made all those nasty, untrue comments about people who refused to undergo the experimental gene therapy? That's because he believed the EGT was a vaccine (the liars at the CDC said it was), and he is fully committed to being fully vaccinated. Each year, he's been vaccinated against Stupidity Deficit Syndrome. That alone is proof that vaccines work!

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Name the vegetable

It might be fun to wait outside a Home Depot entrance and ask 50 incoming customers to name the vegetable that most closely resembles Joe Biden.

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Wandering Man

The Vegetable in Chief is now infamous for simply wandering off. He has no clue where he is, where he's been, or where he's going. But the rest of us know where he's taken us. Cue in Cher, "If I could turn back time…."

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DEI

Biden has fully embraced DEI:  Division, Extremists, and Inflation.

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Masking

Is it merely a coincidence that the mask fetish started when the head of Biden Crime Family became POTUS?