The phrase "Christmas gift" is an oxymoron. A gift, by definition, is something you give to another person without being compensated. At Christmas, people "give" so-called "gifts" while expecting something of similar value in return.

The whole process defies logic. People send you crap you don't want, and you go spend 2 hours in line at a store standing behind people who are cutting turkey farts, just so you can get a refund. And the other person is doing the same. Why not just send each other $50 in the mail?

But if all you are going to do is exchange $50 checks, why not save the postage and the check-writing time and the check cashing time? Best of all, you don't have to breathe in all those turkey farts. Send it via PayPal! Or, just pretend you each sent each other a million bucks. You are SO generous.

I have long given everyone the gift of not having to buy for me. For the kindness of sparing them the turkey fart torture thing alone, they should thank me.