Interrupt and ask, "What's your record turd size?" Wait a second in case he answers, then go into great detail about your masterpiece. "I knew at the start it was going to be a masterpiece. It turned out to be 23 and a half inches long. I called a friend over to help me get it back out of the toilet for pictures and to weigh the thing. I've got it mounted on my living room wall now."
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